WHAT'S NEW

7/13/24

Coming Soon... ROMEO AND JULIET

12/28/23

MUSINGS FOR A NEW YEAR

THE SCENE: An empty auditorium.  A single spotlight on stage, illuminating a microphone stand.  Sounds of echoing footsteps as I enter from off stage left.  I tap the microphone and wince slightly at the feedback.  After a moment's silence, I get close to the microphone and say...

"2023, eh?"

What is there to say about this past year?  In my case, nothing and everything at the same time.  It's always surreal looking back since I seem to spend more time concerned with what's ahead, what may or may not transpire with every move like a cruel game of cosmic chess.  Losing sight of what's important is almost inevitable.  This trip around the sun was full of growth, new adventures and opportunities, as well as great loss, introspection, and full-on existential crises (yes, that's plural).  

Of course, many are keen to list out their achievements and victories at the end of each year longer than a CVS receipt, and I'd be remiss if I didn't indulge a bit.  I escaped a soulless retail job for one that brings me satisfaction and excitement.  I debuted a role in a brand-new musical.  I began finding my footing as an actor outside of school.  I indulged my creativity and pursued projects that I was passionate about.  I embraced newfound freedom and found less fear in the unknown.  Not all of these are easily quantifiable, and some are smaller than others.  But there's a lot of perspective to be found looking at your path in the sand.

2023 was a fulfilling year, but it also proved the most challenging.  For every new connection, there was a bridge burnt in its stead.  I lost touch with important people once close to me, some in uglier ways than others.  Every day where I felt free warranted another where I felt trapped in my own mind.  A seesaw as long as a football field, where the highs and lows couldn't be farther apart.  I certainly haven't come out unscathed.  Bittersweet doesn't begin to describe it.

But if there's one thing I've learned in 2023, it's that comfort is the antithesis of progress.

I hadn't realized how much I fell on old routines and the ways I was sabotaging myself, my relationships, and my future.  And it's ironic how something seems to give only when it's reached a breaking point.  There was a LOT of work I needed to do on myself this year, and only after the safety net was swept from under my feet that I truly started to realize who I was and how I was meant to grow.  Change is what causes us to learn and adapt, whether we plan for it or not.  But change isn't just the flip of a switch, a spur-of-the-moment choice that alters your entire perspective.  It's about consistency.  It's about holding yourself to your own standards and those by which you judge others.  That self-awareness is easily lost, but it's a vital skill to embody the change you wish for.  But it's easy to drown in it too.  Being so self-judgmental that your goals are unattainable is a surefire way to live miserably.  I've also learned the importance of rest.  Of self-forgiveness.  Of gratitude.  Sometimes, the best way forward is to stop before your engine burns out.  It's a precarious tightrope that I'm still figuring out how to balance.

I also found myself being grounded in more of life's simple pleasures.  The crisp fall air during a walk in the park; a sip from a particularly good iced coffee; discovering a new cave to explore in Tears of the Kingdom;  the adrenaline rush from a successful audition; the warmth of an embrace from someone I love.  Focusing on the small embers of joy adds up to a bonfire of beautiful emotion and experience.  Something that I'm always grateful for as I push forward and try to make sense of an increasingly disparate world.

And then, we come to 2024... and the dreaded time where everyone asks themselves, "What are my goals for the new year?"  Many a family gathering get derailed every year with unfortunate discussions of marriage or weight loss, but my goals this year all circle back to authenticity.  This year and beyond, I'm learning not to be a spectator in my own life.  To feel and love and engage with the world truly to myself.  To create things that give me joy and share my silly thoughts with others.  To be unapologetically, undoubtedly me.  We all deserve to find our own happiness and make a fulfilling life for ourselves.  I've taken great strides in convincing myself that I do as well, but the path to realizing that is a continuous battle.  When days can feel like rolling a boulder up a steeper and steeper hill, I am forever thankful for the people in my corner who can ease the weight on my shoulders.

If you've read my ramblings this far, thank you.  I hope that your 2024 is full of joy, love, and all-new heights.  Wherever we end up next year, and however high we climb, I'm sure that the view will be spectacular.  :)

6/9/23

Preview of BORN TO DO THIS!